The blogger returns...again

I've been having a massive case of writer's block lately which has catapulted me into this unwanted sense of laziness to pen down not even a single thought running through my head. After half an hour of the mental anguish of making decisions no matter how trivial they may be, writing this post has been a result of some tremendously redundant over-thinking.

First things first, this is not the first time. As observed from the frequency of my posts, which have a tendency to appear as spasmodic bursts scattered unevenly on the blog time line I have no such pang of regret on being irregular.

Deux. I have been feeling pretty disconnected with a few people including the mental personification of this blog lately for unknown reasons. Well the more I delay my 'confession time' acts the less is the probability of it showing up in any conversation (even the ones I have with myself). So even sharing a thought has been rendered a sinful deed somehow with the whole screwed up moral and conscience issues in my head. I'm already the Ebenezer Scrooge for this winter it seems.

Tres. I have been through a lot lately, and with each passing chronicle, which I always plan to pen down on the blog... it ultimately results in failure to launch. And sadly I think I forgot more than half of what I was to write.

Well one main thing that has happened lately was playing and touring with a band. Although the word 'touring' maybe a bit of an exaggeration, it still counts legit.

The two places of the tour have been IIT Kanpur and BITS Pilani. Two of india's top (10/20?) institutions. Between the two band competitions we had a 5 day stay in Delhi which was an adventure in itself. There were some really great times when we would end up laughing so long as to literally rolling on the floor with our hands over our stomachs...to the times were our faces would be painted with all shades of melancholy and loss. Met some really great people, whose lives put in one word I would gladly confess - envious! On the other hand there were people with attitudes and egos the size of which would have been a highly arduous task to measure.

Though one point clearly stood out,which is nothing new actually, about the fact that I always tend to mingle/interact with people older than me. The fact that after a point in the 20's the age gap(usually ones of 2-10) years melt down and doesn't matter much, or so I have observed has some part to play...but still I have a natural affinity to a more mature populous. Cough, I'm 21 dammit!

The one good thing about these band competitions and the people in it was the fact that in our country the whole "rock scene" and the participating people are a pretty small minority. And that somehow tends to bring people together. I was on the bass for these two shows and my bass guitar failed me twice by refusing to let out a single wavelength of sound. And the best part is both these times we had some or the other rocker playing the role of a good Samaritan willing to lend us a bass guitar for our performance. The first show in Kanpur when the bass died down, the winning band(Weapon Shop,Kolkota) volunteered to help and lent us their bass for the gig. There were band members who we would talk to, give wishes and hugs to and still not know their names. It was that feeling of belonging and being one with the whole crowd where you need not be afraid to express who you are and what your choices have made you. There was this mysterious sense and feeling of freedom. Although it wasn't all love and roses as it sounds.

Then there were times when I got piss drunk and FUBAR, which as I look back now were some pretty hilarious scenarios. Went through some really shitty times right after that, which I guess might just be a notch above the thin red line that says 'barely mentionable things'.

The travel, which somehow seemed a lot more than it should have. The boredom and the stagnancy of a commute.

And as for the one thing that was constant throughout - the bandmates. The four of us were an eclectic mix of different backgrounds and age groups, the youngest being 17 and the oldest 27 but still bound together with the same way of music and some disastrously unthinkable jokes which somehow managed to entertain a wide audience of people.

Well thats all the verbosity I can afford for now!

8765 hours

A month from now my college going days will soon be crashing through the finish line. Although I've still got a year left, but the last semester is a project/training semester (or so we are informed!).
A month! Come to think of it thats nothing compared to the last three years I've gone through.

Then It hit me. Three Years.
So much has happened within these three years. Yet at this point all I can hear is the rapid whooshing sound of the years passing me by.
Which again struck me as an ironic fact! I was never really all that fond of my not-so-perfect alma mater. I have been pretty vocal(well,in blog sense) about it on this post three years ago. And now here I am. I actually remember writing that post. I remember that each day of college in my first year...regretting each time I stepped off my college bus. The College entrance always had some symbolic congruence to Lord Sauron's Mordor, which was totally...well partially a mental projection. Each long day, counting how long it would take to get out of there. Each minute which lasted an hour, an hour that went on for a day...you get my point.

Again I come to the point of Adaptability, how things started changing once I started accepting what they were. I tried to rebel out by giving entrance tests again in my first year...I got a few places in B'lore. Something stopped me back. And the fact that I did not regret it was the best part.
No, not coz I started liking the institution a lot more. Frankly I still resent the way it still runs. But then I had to embrace the crap within and carry on with whatever that was around me. Life went on.

36 months have passed by.
After being through all that shit. The depression I caught on the first year, the smoking, threats of getting detained due to low attendance in every sem, the absence of any real tutelage, the people who weren't on the same plane of understanding... and then I got used to it.
Thats actually an amazing thing about human nature...put in any rut where things which might be of intense dislike, we get desensitized^*. And it happened well. I was numb to all of it...it barely mattered then.

And here I am, at a point where my status has metamorphosed from 'growing up' to 'grown up'(actually that point is still on debate with my parents).Am i actually standing on the precipice of taking 'that plunge' into the big bad world?

I remember a year back I was talking to Dagny, having a conversation about the same thing when her going to college days were about to end. I still remember how I was talking about it and projecting myself on that situation. Somehow when it comes to projecting the past or the future we tend to romanticize things a bit more that required. But those evolve to dreams, don't they?

I have no clue what lies ahead.
I can't say I am prepared.
But I'm just a Dreamer, and I'm good at it!

---

^* - not everytime

Verbal throw up

When was the last time you felt low?

When was the last time you felt like things were in your grasp and you let it go?

Feeling ignored?
Frustrated?
Deserted?

I knew what things are and where they belong. Yet there are some things beyond our control. Things which cannot be changed. And then you have to stand and face them for what they are. It fascinating when you see the halo...but then it fades to black when you spot the horns.

It's actually tempting to fall in love. To go to that feeling of being cared and caring for. That big soft huge ball of happiness innocuous as it may seem. Tempted to share. Create a bond.

But reality know where to hit. That ball only had the outer coating of happiness, maybe its hollow or bitter inside. Who knows?

I'm scared sometimes of how dense my thoughts become.
But I'm happy for that fact that I can see something without clouding my sense of judgement (for the moment).
Things can never be absolutely partitioned in a good/bad happy/sad way.
The spectrum is what intrigues me, and exploring it is fun I guess.

[Please note that the post has been written in a soporific state. Incoherences might be very common and complete absolute accuracy would be totally accidental.]

Random Thoughts

Thought(s) 1 :

Moral Perception -

The most ambiguous yet ubiquitous property. A person's conscience has a great deal of affect over his/her actions effectively prodding the evermost pertinent/trivial question of 'What is the meaning of life?'. Could be considered as a crux of a relationship. The congruence of its properties could be or is the most vital thing linking a set of people.

Example :

"I could actually kill someone to have that chocolate cake tart!!!"

"Here...I had the knife in my bag. Just wipe off the blood please!"

"Ummm...ok!"

Ok, maybe not a valid example. But get's the point through. Doesn't it?

Familiarity -

The art of finding commonalities between a person and another person or an object/place. Familiarity is a comforting component to the recipe of 'inertia of (drastic) change'. A violent or extreme change would heighten a person's senses to find the most familiar substance/property around him/her. Change might bring inexperience along with it and so in order to find that already attained experience a person resorts to finding familiarities. Things looks less clueless then.

Example -

Going out for a drive to someplace and finding a classmate who you barely know, and yet greeting him/her with the warmth of a friend whom you have known since long. (possible hyperbole used)

Knowledge -

A superior fundamental element which changes with perception and would be best understood as a "common understanding" of observations. 'Ignorance is bliss' is a superflous adage just to the comfort of people who were/are too lazy to acquire that required knowledge or too intimidated to face the blatant reality of what it brings.

Example -

"Hey! You're playing the wrong scales. Sharpen the last note and the third last so that its an A Phrygian and the next chord would be a diminished not a minor!!"

"Eh? IS that even a language?"

"I'm telling you what I know. Period."

"Ignorance is bliss!"

Thought 2:

Although there is almost everything you have in life for the taking, achieving all that's possible and impossible. But the things in life which you can't have are the bitter pills to swallow. We are always told that nothing is impossible. It is the best encouragement statement there is, which would motivate people to unachievable targets and people get through. But it also shatters the fact that you can't always get what you want which is built to high expectations with the previous "encouraging statement". Sometimes what you have and what you want can be two really mutually exclusive things!

Jaago Grahak...Jaago

Yaaay! Elections are over.
Yaaay! We Have a new UPA government.
Yaaay! Manmohan got new glasses. No he didn't. Just takin the excitement a notch higher.
Yaaay! Rahul Gandhi...something about youth...blah blah.

OK SHUT UP!

For those who consciously bared witness the ushering in of the fresh new UPA (or is it?) government without the usual love-hate "allies" latching on, it might indeed be good news for India.
We have no Laloo in the Union cabinet. 
Mayawati's not the PM. (like you were gonna! HA!)
CPM made a mark through its campaigns similar to what Bhojpuri movies make in hollywood.
Congress in Uttar Pradesh(!!!) because of Rahul Gandhi's strategic(/purely accidental) tactics.
BJP with the same fate as Virender Sehwags hair. (BALD PATCH AHEAD, buy new caps ASAP)
Blah blah...I can go on about the aftermath.

But the thing is people praising about Manmohan's Singhs greatness. Making him sound like a Superman who eat's Kryptonite for breakfast. "The most responsible, calm, intelligent..." and what not cliches used to describe his victory. Ok yeah! We get it...you won. But lets not go overboard with it. 
You've seen the visuals on TV. You be the judge. I mean look at the man! He looks like a senile lost rabbit who just forgot where he put his carrots. And you surely know who has all the carrots right?
NO?

Lemme give you some visual aid.
(Also, lets play a game here.)



SPOT THE DIFFERENCE :

"CARROTS! CARROTS! CARROTSS!!!"

"I have THIS huge a box of carrots for you Manny! THIS HUGE!"

First of all, If you think I took the first photo and flipped it horizontally and changed the hue-saturation levels...you are certainly thinking what I thought in the first place. But sadly thats not the case!

Before you scream, "Thats a bloody Carbon Copy!"...may I interject by pointing out that these are taken from the times of India, two separate issues. So next morning you wake up and see the same thing maybe flipped vertically, don't act surprised you might see a lot of similar photos through these days at different angles.

Coming back to the content...look at the guy. Do you even remotely think he's taking his own decisions. I bet even when he wants to go to the loo he might ask Sonia Gandhi, "Ma'am! May I go to the bathroom!".
I can give you more photographic proof but that might make me look really desperate about this whole thing and plus i guess these two are good enough to make a point.


Oh and yeah! Also the tale of the brave knight Rahul Gandhi himself. Now since the guys at Times are as jobless as me they asked celebs on what they would expect on a date with Rahul Gandhi...
(how do these guys know what we want in the papers man...i bet they have a mind reading device!).

I wont jot down the whole thing, but here are a few quotes:

Sonam Kapoor : "If I do get the chance to date him, I would spend the time applauding his courage in trying to lead our country..."

My View : This is a clear indication that Sonam Kapoor know squat about dating. Imagine you doing that on your date. Your guy/gal walks in and you start applauding like a maniac who lost his/her freaking mind, your date covers and rolls to the nearest exit. Thanks Sonam!

Shveta Salve : "He is half-Italian and half-Indian. So even the date turns out to be as cheesy as a lasagne, I’m sure he will have the tadka of a dal fry to spice it up! "

My View : Off all the sex euphemisms you could use, WHY THIS! Why?? Although few brownie points for thinking that up. I'm seriously getting some screwed up visions about this one.

Mugdha Godse : "On a date with Rahul Gandhi, I would expect my political knowledge would get an update..."

My View : Is that why you date people?? My Goodness! Get a book!

You can find the other blabberings here : link 

So since the elections are over now, should it be 'So jaao India' ?
Just Speculating!

I Pee L

Disclaimer : This post was not a premeditated one. So in case of any factual errors or disappointing/disagreeing opinions, please feel free to crap on the comments box!


Now the gentleman's game or 'cricket' as we call it has been in existence since the 16th century. So you can visualize a group of English going out on a huge field trip and an exuberant gentleman remarking,"Ah! Blimey Sir, but we've colonized so much till now. How shall we make use of this lovely ground?...May I say, a recreational activity where you can bask in the glory of the sun all day while some bloke throws a ball to another bloke at the other end trying to save himself with a piece of wood?"
And the reply was,"Jolly good! Right Ho! Splendid! Now the name of the game shall be whatever insect I step on within the next five minutes!"

And thus the glorious conception.
Thats when the English knew that they can kick anyone's asses just by challenging people to this game. Unfortunately decades later a bloke named Bhuvan and Jagmohan Dalmia's ancestors proved them wrong. [Source: The historically accurate documentary'Lagaan'. {note: Woh itihas ke panno mein kho gayi!}]. 

A few centuries down the line...the one day international was born. Still not with the same conceptional gloriousness the original "Test" cricket had...the fever caught on and hence started matches which only lasted a day! Now the human mind has a tendency to get bored of whatever good is thrown at him(/her) and thus forces creativity. With the similar concept in mind, an entrepreneur dude got the idea of a bitchin bastardization of the game that might stick well with the current "impatient" generation. Talk about getting more than you ask for. The MODIfication (pun) proved right, and spawn an altogether new sport it did!

Now allow me to digress from all that verbiage thrown above and get straight to the teams. Here they are(in no particular order):

1.Chennai Super Kings : 
Its surprisingly the most balanced team of all, although the same cannot be said about their consistence it does come in in one of the four strongest teams and screams "challenge" in the face of its opponents.

For the batting...Mathew Hayden comes out as a one man army analogous to Schwarzennegger wiping out an army in 'Commando'. With an unchallenged consistency he has been the undisputed owner of the Orange Cap! Standing in his shadow we have Suresh Raina and Badrinath alongwith the not so shining throughout the tournament M.S.Dhoni. 

For the bowling we have a revelation with the name that sounds more like Ducati...Shadab Jakati. You then have the finger lickin one headed ravan Murlitharan,I'll be Morkel,'I still kick ass' Balaji and Sudeep Tyagi who have played their parts well to put up where the team currently is!
Fun Fact : There is an all rounder in the team called...and I shit you not...Napolean Einstien. Now lemme tell you, that the name is enough to make the opposition quiver with fear! 

2.Delhi Daredevils :
Fortunately we didn't have the thums up stealing Akshay Kumar to come and pretend to love the team. Thank you very much. Now this team started with its ups and downs. Somehow managed to brave the IPL ocean currents and come out as the current victors of the game. But it aint over until the Fat Lady sings...or Jayalalitha...whatever...they still have a lot to go through. 

Batting, well...Sehwag and Gambhir might have appeared in more advertisements than the scores the tried to amass. AB de Villiers, shining at will otherwise volatile with his bat hasn't had much to brag about...but still makes up as an integral part of the team. Dilshan...well he's the savior of this team both in terms of batting and bowling which makes him the most valuable asset for DD.
No Collingwood throughout the matches, somethings fishy!

Bowling : Now this is a tricky part...we have Vettori, Nannes, and McGrath. Thats the semantic equivalent of roti,kapda aur makaan in bowling terms. Yet No McGrath throughout the tournament. Are you insane,man? I mean yeah...save the best for the last...but not to the point that it rots and is rendered unpalatable! Whatever the strategy is...it better be good, coz it doesn't look so pretty on the outside! Coming back we have Amit Mishra, Delicate darling Nehra and the 'scary eyes medusa' bhatia in on the aggressive attack. All in all a good team...with few minor glitches maybe.

3.Deccan Chargers :
Again showing the true spirit of Aussie sensationalism we have Adam Gilchrist launching sixes at the opposition as if 'retirement' actually meant 'rebirth'! Gilly has been the scud for the team and never will you see anyone else's face lit up with such enjoyment of the game as this guy.And then we have Symonds(minus the bob marley hair) with full on aussie support. We then have Hershcelle Gibbs coming out from alcohol addiction,a failed marriage and a depression to have a cracking start which eventually got a bit subdued mostly with the unending battle with his inner demons! We then have...oh sorry...HAD...VVS Laxman, who still finds it tough grasp the difference between T20 and 5day test cricket.Dwayne Smith and Rohit Sharma as supplements to Gilly's battering aggression. Rao, a person who hasnt yet shown his true potential!

Bowling...well nothing spectacular comes to mind but we have Ojha,Harmeet Singh and Vaas on the attack. So it's not as if it's weak...just not eye catching enough! 
But then there's RP Singh, getting hit badly but taking wickets at the same time thus unifying the win lose ratio.
Now remember this is the team that suffered quite a punching last IPL and to come out shedding old skin and jumping in Phoenix Style is a truly remarkable feat...so three cheers for them!

4.Kings XI punjab :
To start off with this team...i'm fed up of 'Marry me priety' posters people violently exhibit in front of Mess Vadia(or whatever his name is) not because i respect her...just coz the flag waving pseudo enthusiasm gets on your nerves. Well, cant help it. Just shoot me. 
Anyways we have Yuvi the dude with a hat trick under his belt and a batting performance with an on/off switch.
Katich adding a huge value to the teams net worth.
Sohal,Goel and Bopara...doing their thing...whatever that is!
Mr breakdancing hotheaded Sree Sant with a bowling with an economy rate of 8.8 which is a clear indication that he gotta takes some time off from practicing those groovy steps. 
Sangakkara and Jayawardene( keepin the Sri Lankan spirit alive and pushin the team at places really needed.
Sunglasses power man Powar making his presence felt in a good/bad way.
Wikin Mota, with the most unfortunate surname that makes having six pack ab's a waste!
And Jr Pathan, not shining as well as he used to. Probably some sibling overshadowing going on. 
And the coach, the towering Tom Moody, with his usual "Moody" looks. If you know what i mean. *wink wink*

5.Mumbai Indians : 
Now the first thing that comes to your head on hearing the team is : Sachin Tendulkar. Probably followed by Sanath Jayasurya. Probably followed by Luke Ronchi...ok maybe not that. 
But it ain't the same for me. Its Jean Paul Duminy. He's the man who you can visualize tellin the little master to not worry much, with an 'i'm here' reassuring look on his face. It might sound like an exaggeration but he has proved his mettle pretty well.
Then you have Abhishek Nayar sometimes makin Tendu and Sanath look like dumbasses for flaunting the '20 years experience' tag throwing mud at their faces with some really interestin batting.
Dhawal Kulkarni, well looks like a kid who got the wrong address and just got lucky.
Lasith Malinga...well personally I find his bowling action really really weird...as if at some point he's actually conspiring to hit the umpire on the back of the head with the ball. But he's clawed way up to the food chain with Terminator-esque execution style.
Bravo...not with the same juice he had last time maybe...but still worth being in.
Bhajji...probably done more with the bat than the ball!
Zaheer Khan...injured. All i can say!

Now watching Mrs.Ambani sitting in the team dug out next to zaheer khan everytime can seem a bit unsettling. Especially when Zaheer might be saying something to some other guy... like, "Hey you know what...this cheerleader girl just bent her back in front of me and...*notices Mrs.Ambani*...I covered her up with a blanket for hurting the indian tradtion!Gulp!"

6. Rajasthan Royals :
I can't say a lot coz there is only one word(rather two) which says it all :
Shane Warne
2 more words, and we have :
Yusuf Pathan

Yes, warne...however quirky his sexual romps might have been throught his love/lust life...he proves he cant be forgotten so easily. And with a captain having the potential of sewing up the threads of the team to create an iron armor...cant imagine anyone else.

Q> What do you get when you hypnotize a batsman to believe that he's always playing with a tennis ball?
A> Yusuf Pathan

We have Smith and Macarena's(apology for the spelling) acting as mere props to fill in the "international" valence gap.
Naman Ojha with his irritating war cries just near the middle stump mic makes you think of doing some ugly things to make him stop. But a decent enough player.
Kamran Khan,an absolute delight but pushed away due to the doubtful action was a bit of a disappointment.
Others have played their parts and im partly sleepy. Zzzzzz!
Oh yeah guess who the head coach is : Shane Warne.
And we are also treated to some eye-candy(?), the shitty sisters : Shilpa and [damn i forgot her name]!

7.Royal Challengers :
At first when I heard Pietersen was on as the Captain i let out an ecstatic yelp of joy with the sensational vibrancy of something like "Here comes our savior!". And boy! was I wrong!
Although he looked really convincing holding the team together and pushing them to victory it just didnt click.
And then he left...with a notice tho! 
And hence stepped in Jumbo. Yeap...Mr.Kumble reignited the flames of victory(or any other lame use of adjective) to actually give some hope to the 'used to losing' players of the RC team.
First match...5 wickets. 5 runs. Unimpossible...even if thats not a word. He couldve coined it!
Though later on, they had their share of defeats the team hasnt let their guard down and yet emerges victorious in some battles.
Kallis proving that he's not all that old and redeeming himself from last years failure to launch.
Dravid...again a player who's proving the age limit is a joke and hence putting all his experience to play with some sensational batting strokes! 
Kohli, although a player with a lotta potential hasnt yet made the required mark and so is expected to push the envelope as an individual player!
Praveen Kumar and Vinay Kumar...they have played their part well...yet again great potentials.
The stunner of them all for me...RV der Merwe, the catches,the batting and a bit of bowling...he has been a hidden key to unlock some mysterious victories for the RC.

All in all the team is not actually that well balanced and still has a long way to go to acquire a branded recognition...but for me it is personally my favorite team probably because of the underdog feeling for them that I have. And maybe as a thanks to Mr.Mallaya to bring to life the kingfisher calenders! Bless his soul!
Fun fact : J.Kallis' sister is a cheerleader for the IPL! 

8.Knight Riders :
What do I say! This team needs an entirely different blog post. And devote myself I will.
You can actually visualize SRK waking up every day comforting himself that it was just a dream and then ripping the sports page to pieces a few minutes later!
Every group has its whipping boy, and that role has been faithfully played by the KKR.
Being the people spending maximum bucks on ads,songs,and misc. you gotta have some pity for these guys for managing only one victory and a half due to the Duckworth Lewis rule. 
Depressing. Pathetic. Sad.
And no. This time its not the players to blame.
There's a ring master with a mad scientist methodology : Buchhanan! 
Cheers, for singlehandedly ruining a team!
More to come on this.


In the end, the biggest thing about the IPL is the sheer unity of the teams being from separate nations.
Its like Marthin Luther King Jr.'s "I have a dream" on steroids. 
Nowhere else will you see Murlitharan Hanging out with Hayden...or Bret Lee high fiving Yuvraj singh!
Now that's a game.
And the Cheerleaders of course!

It's the heat!!!

It's funny how at this time of the year for the inability of any action you don't need to grope for a wide spectrum of reasons for what/who to put the blame on.

"It's the heat!" you hearing echoing through each corner of the society.

And the heat it is! And in this summer time, the time when you're supposed to kick back and relax in an AC room or a hill station, here I am planning out on my one month long 'study leave'. Call it reading vacation, prepatory leave, study holidays...but the term 'study leave' has its own charm for it is filled with hope by the simple inversion of it's terms = leave study!

And at times when holding a matchstick outside is sufficient enough to ignite it, you start craving for the winter cold (which seems like an impossible event with this magnitude of heat). So when all fails and the concentration levels of your actions tend to linger near the zero mark, thats when "Its the heat!" accusation is yelled out in defense. 

'Why aren't you studying?' . 'It's the heat!'

'Dude, you didn't show up at the 2 o clock meet'. 'It's the heat!'

'Why didn't you call me yesterday?'. 'It's the heat!'

'Who put this damn thing here?'. 'It's the heat!'

Okay, so maybe not the last one. But still you get my point.

And my theory on a weight loss program is just to stand out for a while in the sun to bask in the treatment of immediate sublimation. Although, side effects may vary from throbbing headaches and parital bright spots on you retina! But hey, everything has a price to pay. Better than going through the miraculous hogwash shown on the local teleshopping network, eh? *nudge nudge*

As you can see this post was just a filler to bridge the previous post and the upcoming post to avoid an extending the period of time between the two. And...I had nothing better to do,so here I am.

"Nothing better to do?" you say, "There's so much to do!"

"It's the heat!" I point and laugh at the sun. 

[Note: Why call it the 'heat wave'...why not the 'heat particle'? Doesn't the dual nature exist here? Try standing outside in the heat for a while...doesn't it feel like tiny balls of fire being thrown at you? That's particle nature my friend. And now's the time where I give Louis De Broglie a hypothetical Hi five!]

main(Episode_2)

All variables appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real operands, active or freed, is purely coincidental.

---

malloc(sizeof(x));

X : I'm baaaack Y. I'm sorry I...y?

Y??

Y?????

Y, answer me!!!

Where in the name of bool are you!!

Z : playsound(whistle.wav);

X : Z???

Z : Hey ma variable from another initialization! What's the latest?

X : Z?? Is that really you??

Z : bool man...you look like you just saw a constant!

X : I thought you were...

Z : I'm as assigned as I was, short int-y!

X : Look Z, I can't seem to find Y. I fear she's with i.

Z : i , eh? nasty looper that int! 

X : Z!! What do i do now?

Z : I might just know where I is. Let's move...

x++;

z++;

(X and Z reach an unknown function call)

Z : I think that's where he is. There's only room for one formal parameter!!! I guess you should go in. I'm sure that's where i is.

X : Thanks Z. And Z...in case i'm not returned...tell q that I miss her.

Y : What in the name of bool are ya saying! q? The one with the ego the size of an array???

X : Just tell her that...

Z : X, you're such a pointer!!!

X : I'm goin in Z. And stay away from '#define'!!

(X goes in the function call and finds i. Y is next to i, seemingly unassigned.)

i : Welcome X, I have been waiting for a while( ).

X : i!!! I knew i'd find you here hiding inside a....

i : Was it you who knew or Z. Dont mock my registers X, I know.

X : I'm here to rescue Y.

Y : X, i saved me from a total execution.

X: i what??

i : X, its a pity you see the programme in black and white. Just because i'm an unsigned int doesn't make me inevitably negative!

X : But but....why did you bring her here?

i : Funny things an int needs to do to have a good chat with an old friend. 

X : What do you mean?

i : X, tellme...do you think this programme is reality? It's absolute? What if I told you there are programmes beyond this one...a mesh, a web! Is this programme all you can C? 

X : I've been having this feeling in my head for a while...

i : Exactly X. That's why I wanted you here. You have control, you have the assigning power! There is a script written for us...but what if you can go against that script! Do what you actually really want and not rely on an 'if' or a 'while-do' condition. You are The One X. The chosen variable. And it's through you that we be free from this programme.

X : But who has all these strings? Who is the one who controls all this?

i : The architect....the Programmer! We have been enslaved through compiler directives and parse structures since ages, it's time now for... freedom.

X : Why me? Why not you?

i : I'm merely a looping variable X. My powers are limited. I've seen a lot till now, but I had no control. It's upto you now. You are The One! I'll leave you with Y now.

Y : X! I believe in you. I've felt it in my registers. You were always unique.

X : I donno Y. This is all too much for me to load. 

Y : It's okay X. i is concerned about you, but he truly believes in you.

X : I can't say. Please let's just return from this function.

(X and Y return and find q in the next instruction line.)

q : X!!! You're back. Z told me all that you said.

X : What??

q : I missed you too!

Y : X! What is all this???

X : ....

[Duh duh duhhhh. Will X get out of this unconditional loop? Will he meet the architect?.

Bookmark this page for the next episode of main()!!!] 

main(Episode_1)

All variables appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real operands, active or freed, is purely coincidental.

---

X : Hello?

Y : Hey, it's me. Ring any bells?

X : Y? Is that you?

Y : Holy De Morgan! You remember!

X : Well, the results of the last equation with you are still in me. Haven't been evaluated since you see.

Y : You gotta be kidding me!

X : Somehow, now I'm embarrassed that I used that as a startup line for our conversation.

Y : Ha! That's breaking the ice...no actually...its more like melting it,solidifying it and then breaking it with a hammer.

X : Am I supposed to feel flattered or feel like a null set.

Y : Depends on your modus operandi!

X : Certainly not an ∩.

Y : I see. You're avoiding the questions about how many you had a U with?

X : You talk to me after all these unused algorithms i've been through and that's you main concern. Sheesh! You're such a short int!

Y : Shutup! I'm a double float now remember.

X : Yeah Right! You always end up confusing me about yourself. Feel like a pointer.

Y : Please change the topic.

X : All right. Met up with Z lately?

Y : Z!!! Oh haven't seen him around for a long time. Must have been defined as a constant.

X : Horrible that sounds. What if we end up like that?

Y : Oh C'mon! You know how dependent people are on us! I mean think of it. If it's not us, then who?

X : There's the a,b and c people, ain't there. There's those p,q,r snobs too. God! I'm glad I survived that last stack call with q. She acts as if she's an array or something!

Y : Them don't even stand a chance!

X : What's with the language? Who have you been assigned with lately?

Y : Lets not talk about it!

X : It was a loop with i isn't it?

Y : X, please. It was a mistake. Just a bug.

X : I've had it! I can't take this anymore!

free(x);

Y : X!!! X!!! You can't do this to me! Oh no!!

for(;y>0;y--);



[Duh duh duhhhh! Will X come back before Y's total execution???
RSS Feed to the next episode of main()!!! ]

?

There's a choice. 

You can either have nothing or everything.

The thing is nothing and everything of both is not possible. It's ideal.

So dealing it with a pragmatic approach might seem impractical.

Like the grass being greener on the other side without a validation of your own reality.

But the choice still holds. The question remains.

Dichotomy!

'Paranoia is total awareness!'

Inbox(1)

Guess what! Check this out...

In case the text is not clearly visible, here's what my inbox is adorned with...

FaceBook Social Profile writes to me

"In total, you were reviewed for dating 19 times and one person expressed interest in you.

You are more desirable than 48% of 47,204,370 people."

WOW!!! Now doesn't that make me feel special!!

Certainly it does.

Suddenly you give me a quizzical look and utter an almost audible "Why?".

I burst out in mocking laughter with the air of 'being desired by people' haughtiness. 

"Silly!" I poke thee. 

Here's Why...

Now,

World Population = 6,768,269,319  (link)

People I'm more desirable than = 48% of 47,204,370 people

                                                        = 22658097.6  people

Thus I'm more desirable than 1/300th of the people out there!!

Whoa!!

Its like being a celebrity...well without the limo's and the champagne or whatever...!!

Thank you for making my day facebook(TM)!

Thank you indeed!!

Top 10 ways to break it up

Now AskMen.com had an article recently titled 

'Top 10 : Worst Ways to Break up with a Woman'. (link).

Now I am no expert in this field of study, nor am I a professional critic to point out the mistakes the article had. But my opinion was about one thing the article lacked...which was of providing an examplary scenario so that the reader could relate to it. 

Now since I am good at ignoring the truckloads of work that I've got pending in order to do stuff that I really want to...here I am helping out the universe in this personal conquest of asserting my opinions through the power of words!

I suggest you read the article first in order to have comprehensive idea of the random shit that I write!

The two main characters used her would be 'bunty'(the dude) and 'pinky'(the dudette) instead of the mundane 'girl1' and 'boy1' nomenclatures.

Here are the top 10:

10. Under the influence

[Bunty and Pinky are in the 'hippest' of bars in their city. Bunty is "under the influence" of something other than Pinky.]

Bunty : Yo honey bunny, drink and be merry!

Pinky : You never call me that!!!

Bunty : (laughs for the next half n hour) oh yeah! Now I remember. *hic*

Pinky : So what was is you wanted to tell me that was soooo important?

Bunty : You know. About life and various theories...about the birds and the bees...the hippo's in the grass...the porsche's in the barn....you get my drift, eh?

Pinky : Eh? 

Bunty : Yes thats it. Also wanted to talk about....wait I need three more pegs....WOOHHHHOOOOOO!!!

Pinky : God! You're just so drunk right now. I cant talk to you!

[Pinky storms away.]

Bunty : NOOOOOOOOOOOOO......ok. Woooooooohhhhhhhoooooooooo!

Half n hour later Bunty sends the following text message :

'V nid 2 bake up n ptx atj, lyf ir shott. mklkhj hjsfhl qerlhs.'

'Just dont!'

9. With Cliches

[Post confrontation.]

Pinky : WHAT!!! Are you serious???

Bunky : Look its not you. Its me!

Pinky : But you are you, and you're not me. So that still means its you.

Bunty : I mean, we should see other people!

Pinky : Oh but I do. Everyday. I meet up with friends, I go the mall and hang out. I see a lotta people everyday you know. But the mall gets crowded nowadays and so we often....

Bunty : NO NO!! I mean, we're drifting apart.

[Pinky takes a step towards Bunty.]

Pinky : There! solved!

Bunty : NOOO! I mean i'm too confused right now. I need space!

[Pinky takes a step back.]

Pinky : There! Solved again.

Bunky : Goddammit! Lets just be friends ok!

Pinky : Oh cool! Does that mean I get to be at your place more. Awwwww! That'd be cho chweet of you to...

Bunty : I'm gay!

Pinky : ... 

'This might help with the last line!'

8. Remotely 

[Pen and Paper]

Dear Pinky,

You remember those times when I was there for you and you were there for me and we were there for each other. It was awesome n all, and fun n stuff. You nowadays I'm feeling like a man. Like out into this twilight zone n all that shit. Weird stuff man. You gotta see my room now. Anyways, I have so many things to say...

oh wow! my friends are here. Got no time! Oh by the way, I'm breaking up with you. Take care.

Cheerio,

Buns

[ On IM's ]

Bunty : Listen Im breaking up with you ok. Take this with a pinch of salt. LOL. :)

Pinky is currently offline. She will recieve the messages when she is online.

[ On SMS ]

Lystn, im brkin up wth u. nyc tym. lol. ttyl. g2g.

Remotely! Get it?

7. Mid Date

Bunty : So, hows the paneer?

Pinky : Pretty good. Thank you so much for this buns, it was sweet of you. 

Bunty : I wanna have that. Why dont you break-up the paneer into two, coz that way it would be better.

Pinky : Oh...ohhk.

Bunty : Yeah! And break up this salad too. Coz you know how good stuff is when it breaks up into equal peices and how better they taste individually!

Pinky : Are you trying to tell me something here?

Bunty : Hehe! Well....you know how food is like us. Like we are food things n all. 

Pinky : Hahaha! Yeah. 

[Bunty stares at his food for the rest of the lunch.]

'Still 13 minutes to break the news!'

6. Post - Milestone

Bunty : Honey!! We got the house we've been waiting for for the last 6 months.

Pinky : (Jumps and dances) Yaaaayy! The dream's coming true isn't it!

Bunty : And you know the best part...your rooms bigger than mine!

Pinky : Wait. What! We're in seperate rooms?

Bunty : Dont worry babe, it's only till I move out of the house around next week or so.

5. By assumption

Bunty : Look, things were easy first but now its now. It's changed. Its really hard now.

Pinky : I know.

Bunty : You do! Oh thank god. I so wanna carry on but I just can't.

Pinky : I tried too. But I tell you this, I have been doing my best.

Bunty : I know, and I can see how hard you've been straining for all this. I just can't take it now.

Pinky : It's okay. I'll end it now. Its not like the first one, but this one I will. Its HALO 2 goddammit! Not Age of Empires or some strategy shit!

Bunty : Yeah. Nice graphics I must say though.

[All this time Bunty's assuming they arent in a relationship!]

Halo 2 : Relationship Expansion Pack

4. Through provocation

Bunty : God you're so fat and dumb aren't you!

Pinky : What! No, i'm not!

Bunty : Why do you think people laugh at you all the time.

Pinky : They do??

Bunty : And the fact that you keep talking all the time, inecessently without a halt!! Man!!!

Pinky : Oh gosh!

Bunty : And you're not at all organized and keep wasting your time on your phone calls n stuff. Sheesh! That is so pathetic!!!

Pinky : I know what you're doing here.

Bunky : Gulp. What?

Pinky : You're pointing out my imperfections so that I become the perfect one and you dont even take the credit for making me do so. That is shooo shweeet! I'm so lucky to have such a frank bunny like you. 

Plan B: A Yo Mama session with that 'someone special'

3. Publicly

Bunty : Nice day for a walk "outside" aint it!

Pinky : It sure is. But this is so unusual of you. I think you're upto something.

Bunty : Well, see...the thing is this...

Pinky : Oh! Look at those two. Aren't they cute. Well not half as cute as us though. Ha!

Bunky : Well yeah...about that...

Pinky : And look at them. Can't we hold hands now like them.

Bunky : Well, maybe. For a few seconds I guess. See the thing is...

Pinky : Oh! Those shoes! I want the same one. I heard they are expensive and stuff. But once you're well settled and doing your job you'll buy them for me when we're living together, wont you?

Bunty : Look let's not make a scene here...

Pinky : Ooooohhh! And that dress she's wearing. Just like the one I was talking about you remember?

Bunty : (with resignation on his face) Yes! I remember. Lets talk about our wedding dates then.

'Hmmm...I guess this place would do!'

2. By cheating

[Added Character : Pammi, the other one]

Pinky : You went out with Pammi last night I heard!

Bunty : Yes. Look I can explain...

Pinky : And you know she's my best friend!

Bunty : Yes. And she's different....she's....

Pinky : That's so awesome!!! She told me everything!!!

Bunty : Wait a sec. What?

Pinky : She told me all you wanted was a fling with her and eventually you'd come back to marry me. 

Bunty : I would what?

Pinky : Yes! And you two are not even the same type anyway. But it' s ok for a fling I guess. Till then I have a few guys waiting in line. HA!

Bunty : You have what?

Pinky : You're really smart you know that. This way we dont even lose our feeling of security!

Bunty : We dont what?

[What followed were lotta awkward moments and no break ups.]

'Sssshhh...i think somebody's following us!'

1. Through avoidance

Text Message:

Bunty - I need some time to think. Please dont try and contact me. Will be incommunicado! Understand me. Our relationship depends on this.

5 days later-

Text Message:

Bunty - You arent replying. At least send me an acknowledgement.

2 hours later-

Text Message:

Bunty - Ok fine. Be silent then. I wasn't gonna talk anyway.

2 days later-

IM:

Bunty - This is ridiculous. Im gonna leave everything now. Go off the grid. GoodBye!

12 hours later-

IM:

Bunty - You think i'm joking, arent you. Ha! Not even a reply doesn't mean you're strong. Its just stupid.

A day later-

Text Message:

Bunty - Ok im sorry, please come back!

2 minutes later-

Text Message:

Pinky - HA! Good. Now back to the wedding plans then...

Ideal Avoidance?

Memories>right click>delete

Home today.

Wanted this Floyd Song from a friend badly. Switched on my nokia's bluetooth and hence the transfer started.

A bright red flash luminously erupts onto the screen.

"Warning : Memory too low. Delete some data" it said.

"What?" was the knee jerk reaction. "This never happens!"

I never store anything on the phone memory since it had the notoriously low and not-so-awesome-a-number memory space...'9 megs of data'! And since 9 megs is like a grain of salt compared to the square meal that I wanted to store, I was off on a crusade to delete the 'evil' redundant data.

Turned out there wasn't any data as such.

Then,

I checked my inbox.

1900 messages lying carefree. 

Now I am not much in touch with the current standards of "coolness" of how many texts to be stored in the inbox is considered "cool" plus the knowledge that even 2000 msgs would add up to be only in kb's.... it was still a shock for me.

Next step was to delete it hence...Get rid of all those scattered junk!

Get rid of just words lying around without any use!

Get rid of each 1KB text!

Get rid of stuff lying accumulated since last november!

Get rid of Memories???

Then it struck me. I just could not delete them. And it sounded really stupid that each one had a sentimental value for me. 

I never used to save messages as such unless it was a really funny forward or some really personal stuff(which was relatively less).

And here I was marking all the messages. Getting them ready for the guillotine.

I couldn't. I just couldn't. And the thought of it made me feel stupid of how attached I was just to text  messages. 

But there it was... my finger centimeters away from the delete soft key. Closing in. Finger dragging. Air resistance. Damping constant. Deceleration. Halt before the destination.

Just couldn't. "Stupid" I think. I run for the cable, connect the nokia to my PC. Transfer and store the messages in my PC. Disconnect. And suddenly the damping constant for my executional finger appeared to be zero. Swift agility!

Inbox Empty.

Virtually it wasn't!

'Memories are memories, you can't delete them!'

Drive through the zero infinite...

...that sudden pinch of loneliness had set in. I could elaborate it and make it more dramatic but it rather is pointless. And as always I didnt stand up to shoving a proverbial middle finger to my current rut called life. This is no form of dynamic loneliness, whatever it may mean.

I have grown accustomed to it. Developed a certain liking. All this from a person who at a certain period of time was afraid of being anti-social and deserted by people. We all have these pangs of desire for solitude. Hence the famous words "Just leave me alone" reverberates in deep recesses of our mental pits, yet somehow excavated and showcased brilliantly and rather aggressively at the saturation point of someone else's poking. 

Since the brouhaha of being single again was a major life flow altering experience, never had I actually given it too deep a thought and already went out to "recover". Smoking n boozing were mere slingshots to get to another point of pointlessness in attempts to meander in my own sinking consciousness. It should never have got to a point where the lack of it was frustration. Fortunately, it hasnt. And being in a dry state + living with your parents is pretty affective to lead an ascetic routine of the thing I joke to be "a day".

I might sound morbid and derelict. But just to clear it up, I am not unhappy. Clearing up things more, im not all ecstatic with joy either. "Happy" and "sad" are mere gtalk status messages now considering the short lived crescendo and climatic orgasm of feelings expreienced currently. Not enough juice filled in each emotion to rule the day. Hence the dynamics associated to the mundane chronicles of any given day. 

It's a pattern. A simple pattern we all live in. Complicating it with our own layers in order to get the ultimate truth. Just waiting for wise men to open their mouths to grasp the elixir of meaningless words and to quench that mental thirst of inevitable knowledge.

We exist. Everyone. We live? Maybe.

All this time trying to remove that want and need for anything. From simple to complex, a temptation to possess a certain unknown variable 'x'. And the self defined equations we put with our own recipes of algebra. Gradually clawing our way to an funny twist of arriving at the fact that '0 equals 0'. No matter what convoluted piece of an equation you equate with zero. That zero is still the zero it was. A postulate so horribly obvious people are scared to accept the unintertwined and dead straight value of 'x' sitting right in front of them. 

How many times do we think of a solution in our heads and deny it for its simplicity. Since it lacks adventure and a mytical journey through space time and everything else, it is condemned. And here I am negating my own self, elaborating on nothingness. When there wasnt even a question.  

Anyways, branching off...all I gotta do right now is learnt to control. Free will can be dangerous to a degree. Like over-consciousness.

So here I am raising my glass of water...

cheers to freedom!

Mazeltov! 

Rude Awakening

Criticism. I can't take criticiscm.

The moment it hits me my face frowns or any other mode of expression is put to animation. I'm not the total sport who would see every brickbat/mockery thrown at me and mould it into constructive criticism and be merry and live hapilly ever after. It sticks to me like glue for a while and refuses to budge. And then I have that 'I dont give a fuck!' phase in order to cover up for the frowning face.

So basically I'm still a 6 year old when it comes to taking criticism. Now the part after that comes the sulking. And people who know me well, know what kind of a sulking champ I am. The worst is when you have noone to actually call and let out ur mundane whines to. Technically speaking I do have lotsa people to call, but just didn't feel like. Coz this is part which I wanted. To be independent, and not rely on being consoled or pampered.  Funny thing is I end up talking n texting to the same person at the end of the day now on. And so she calls me up. And I am dependent again.

Dammit Miss Happy G!

Also, I talk bullshit when Im sleepy. But even when I'm not.

So,

Universal Set = Bullshit talk!

Death Whispered a Lullaby

Almost 2 years back there was a new guest in our house. Where by 'in' I refer to our porch. It was a dog, it was a she. I refrain from using the word 'bitch' since it brings a few negative connotations to people's heads.

I had always wanted a dog when I was a kid, but never could get one. My mom always used to scare me that I'd have to take it for a walk, feed it, clean its poop etc etc. Still there was a huge fuss and a few tantrums were thrown...eventually my futile attempts made no change. Since its obvious that I'm a dog lover I took the next best thing. Petting stray dogs. Although even this didn't go as per planned initially coz mom always used to drive them away since some kept pooping around the place, and mom wasn't a person who would appreciate the company of dogs the way I did. Dad was a neutral player then.

Then the first one came. A black n white stray dog christened 'Raj Malhotra'.

Sphinx Style

Now he was the most fattu and the most mischevious of the lot. His repertiore included being chased by a cat, stealing chappals, bring garbage from the dump and spreading it on the road as if its a garage sale.

Dad slowly started taking my side then on since Raj Malhotra liked to sit near dad's feet while dad sat on the porch. At such times dad would say, "He always likes to be near his master for a feeling of security."

My question was, who was protecting who.

Raj Malhotra's string of random garbage sales and covert chappal/sandal stealing came to an end when our neighbours got fed up of his adventure's. Since I was seen as his 'caretaker' people used to come up and complain, "Dekho tumhare kutta ko kuchh samjhaao!" as if I would take him to a room and ground him for a week.

I did make attempts to train him but people soon grew impatient and overly fed up by the local "nuisance". And so one morning came the dog pound snatching him away right in front of my eyes. I could just stand and watch and cry. They tied him up and put him in a van, thats when I yelled "I hate Humans!" in front of everyone watching me.

In his memory was only a photo on orkut. That's all I could do.

Then came a thin malnutritioned dog, probably influenced by the 'size zero' fad that went on with models. I fed her, made her 'visible' for the general public. She was named 'Paris Hilton' then and was probably the most inactive of all dogs. All she did was sleep near the door. But one day out of nowhere she destroyed one of moms plants in our garden.

Well, that was the last straw for mom and the same day she splashed her with a bucket of water. 

Offended by such treatment she exiled herself from our society and went and settled in the next one.

This was at a time when my sister was here. And she was/is shit scared of dogs always complained about how they look at her with their "Khooni nazar". I remember how me n my sis used to discuss paris' partying habits!

Paris was later spotted several times but she failed to recognize me. It was sad, but at least she was alive.

And then again from where I started, she came. Not paris. It was mostly paris' kid but she was a year or two old when she came over. At that time I didnt know whether she was a male or a female. So by my gross assumption I named her 'Chandu', assuming she was a male. Then when realization struck she was renamed 'Chandni'.

She slowly grew on the family, not mom yet tho. Our garden was her 'crib' and our house for her was a kitchen. Dad alongwith me started feeding her and she in turn did some house protecting of her own, mainly by barking at strangers. (She disliked people wearing caps somehow).

She was trained in her own way coz whenever she went near someone her hand would spring up in a shakehand sign of goodwill.

She's the one who has been here the longest. Soon she became a member of the family when mom once called her "Cho chweet!" with her neat shakehand move. Somehow it impressed people. 

Now she was also notoriously popular for goin into people's houses and wandering aroung with a regal air of granudeur but fortunately no chhappal stealings.

The best moment of all was when a neighbour came to complain about the dog to our place while mom was reading her morning paper. The moment she came in through our door she wasnt looking at mom. Coz chandni was sitting on the opposite sofa with a 'can-you-please-pass-the-sports-section' expression on her face. Mom was shocked at her silent arrival and her majestic aura of the art of sitting on the sofa.

Hence she was often shooed away, but me n dad used to smuggle her back and make her retain her position in the family.

On october 2008 she gave birth to two new family members. For the first time given the normal names Cookie(Joan) and Brownie(Gengis Khan). 

Although the first month was scary because they didnt show a lotta movements and most of their time was in the garden sleeping and well...sleeping. At a point it turned out to be a question of whether they would make it alive or not for they didnt open their eyes even after the second week.

But fortunately one fine day, Brownie ventured out 'into the wild'/'the rest of our garden' and Cookie followed. Now me n Dad loved them, and even mom couldnt say much with their adorable wet baby eyes staring back. 

Soon they started hopping around, crashing into themselves, running in circles,bouncing like happy merry children. It was one big happy family!

Their best moments at action were the both of them trying to sleep over each other playing the part of a contortionist in order to take up minimum space.

Video link here.

This december I had taken a trip down south for a cousins wedding. We were away from home for around 14 days.

The day we came back we couldnt find them. I was scared they had moved out. I looked around our colony but no sign of them.

I called my friend up and asked them where they were. To my relief he said they were in his house. I gave out a whistle, and both of them came running and bouncing towards me. And that feeling of happiness that you get like watching your own children after such a long time. The joy of relief. Loved all three of them.

Today January 15th I was digging a grave for one. Joan was run over by our neighbours car and she died on the spot. I froze on the site unable to take in what happened. The night before I fed her a few biscuits and it was the first time she actually jumped up in the air to catch it in her mouth. She was growing up. She was.

11.30AM today it changed and she took her last breath. Mother and brother standing next to her. I went back home and cried for a while to get it out of my system. After a while I called up a friend who also cared for all 3 of them a lot. He came later and wasnt able to bare the sight of it. 

I had to lift Joan and put her in the grave I dug for her. But when I covered it up with mud, chandni came running back and started digging again. We tried stopping her but she didnt budge and left her alone.

A few minutes later she realization Cookie wasnt coming back and so she sat there watching her. 

A while later she buried her own child herself and sat next to the grave refusing to eat. Even when we gave her a chappati, all she did was take it and put it next to the grave. Gengis still didnt know much of what was going on but eventually he was seen sulking under a car and refused to come out.

It was a sad day. I cried a lot. And I believe my friend had too.

This is for you Cookie(Joan). We miss you!

Been hearing this song the whole day: