...obeying the voices in my head...

Thursday, November 12, 2009

The blogger returns...again

I've been having a massive case of writer's block lately which has catapulted me into this unwanted sense of laziness to pen down not even a single thought running through my head. After half an hour of the mental anguish of making decisions no matter how trivial they may be, writing this post has been a result of some tremendously redundant over-thinking.

First things first, this is not the first time. As observed from the frequency of my posts, which have a tendency to appear as spasmodic bursts scattered unevenly on the blog time line I have no such pang of regret on being irregular.

Deux. I have been feeling pretty disconnected with a few people including the mental personification of this blog lately for unknown reasons. Well the more I delay my 'confession time' acts the less is the probability of it showing up in any conversation (even the ones I have with myself). So even sharing a thought has been rendered a sinful deed somehow with the whole screwed up moral and conscience issues in my head. I'm already the Ebenezer Scrooge for this winter it seems.

Tres. I have been through a lot lately, and with each passing chronicle, which I always plan to pen down on the blog... it ultimately results in failure to launch. And sadly I think I forgot more than half of what I was to write.

Well one main thing that has happened lately was playing and touring with a band. Although the word 'touring' maybe a bit of an exaggeration, it still counts legit.

The two places of the tour have been IIT Kanpur and BITS Pilani. Two of india's top (10/20?) institutions. Between the two band competitions we had a 5 day stay in Delhi which was an adventure in itself. There were some really great times when we would end up laughing so long as to literally rolling on the floor with our hands over our stomachs...to the times were our faces would be painted with all shades of melancholy and loss. Met some really great people, whose lives put in one word I would gladly confess - envious! On the other hand there were people with attitudes and egos the size of which would have been a highly arduous task to measure.

Though one point clearly stood out,which is nothing new actually, about the fact that I always tend to mingle/interact with people older than me. The fact that after a point in the 20's the age gap(usually ones of 2-10) years melt down and doesn't matter much, or so I have observed has some part to play...but still I have a natural affinity to a more mature populous. Cough, I'm 21 dammit!

The one good thing about these band competitions and the people in it was the fact that in our country the whole "rock scene" and the participating people are a pretty small minority. And that somehow tends to bring people together. I was on the bass for these two shows and my bass guitar failed me twice by refusing to let out a single wavelength of sound. And the best part is both these times we had some or the other rocker playing the role of a good Samaritan willing to lend us a bass guitar for our performance. The first show in Kanpur when the bass died down, the winning band(Weapon Shop,Kolkota) volunteered to help and lent us their bass for the gig. There were band members who we would talk to, give wishes and hugs to and still not know their names. It was that feeling of belonging and being one with the whole crowd where you need not be afraid to express who you are and what your choices have made you. There was this mysterious sense and feeling of freedom. Although it wasn't all love and roses as it sounds.

Then there were times when I got piss drunk and FUBAR, which as I look back now were some pretty hilarious scenarios. Went through some really shitty times right after that, which I guess might just be a notch above the thin red line that says 'barely mentionable things'.

The travel, which somehow seemed a lot more than it should have. The boredom and the stagnancy of a commute.

And as for the one thing that was constant throughout - the bandmates. The four of us were an eclectic mix of different backgrounds and age groups, the youngest being 17 and the oldest 27 but still bound together with the same way of music and some disastrously unthinkable jokes which somehow managed to entertain a wide audience of people.

Well thats all the verbosity I can afford for now!