...obeying the voices in my head...

Monday, November 20, 2006


As I trample on this unchartered earth
I have much left to see.
And if seeing is beleiving
then in nothing I still believe.

A window to the world opens before me
Yet I choose to wander away.
Groping in the darkness unconquered
searching for the light of the day.

For me its living that I seek
not work that rules that day
Finding happiness not too bleak
A world refrain from pain.

Searching for the possibilities unimagined
For a freedom unknown, unseen;
I glide and melt on my thoughts
of a world too beautiful to dream.

A cold mist passes over me,
the sins of betrayal and hatred.
As things that bound me from thee,
the world seems far from sacred.

But hope prospers in my heart
deep inside though vague
Still i pray O lord save me,
save me from this plague.

I open my eyes it seems so clear,
The truth untouched unveiled.
The purity that never rusts -
of the part that I played.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Some call it college, I call it "AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGHHHH"

It was one lousy chemistry lecture in school when I took sudden interest in the world outside the window. Three more months

and I am straight outta this braindead school and off I go to a "college".

It was then that the dreams poured in in front of my eyes. Havin toe touchin hair, havin a band of my own, surrounded on all

sides by supermodelish chics, drivin on my (imaginary) bike to the institution...and standing in front of the gate - I see

this is where i'm gonna be. Studyin seemed optional in a college at that time. It was soon I thought that the outside world

of the window had just jumped into me. It was a dream, a very convincing one. 'Its gonne be true' I thought ' maybe I have

power of precognition

I was smiling like a creep. The world...oh I have seen such little of it. Damn! three months still to go. What a pain.

And then it was a piece of chalk that hit me on the forehead thrown at me by my lovely teacher that made my senses drag back

to the chemistry lecture(at least for the moment!). Our teacher was creeped out as I was still smilin like a creep, so she

preffered not to ask any question. Maybe she might have read my mind. What the hell!


5 months later...


Grades!! damn! I didnt realise that I was near to hittin rock bottom. Ok they aint good, but they werent so bad either I

guess. It was at the couselling room that the monitors lit up with name codes of the colleges and the seats left in them.

Anything to get in ahmedabad was not possible...but none of the colourful code names of the college had good repute. Their

names went like one of your kamwaali bai's second cousin.E.g- Dalpatram college, Sadvidhyamandal bhavan etc.

My fate had rested on a college with a sad name too. Am too embarassed to mention it here, though its compressed form would

be called - LCIT. I booked the seat in the college. Back home people were congratulating for me gettin an admission. I looked

back at them with a deadpan zombie like expression that gave it clear to the person standin in front of me the fact that

'hapiness' might not have been the present mood.

Next day I set out to the college. Two hours drive and a deep choking sensation as I see the entrance of my college

campus."My" campus!! Of all the pleasant words that I could have chosen to say at that time, I picked a rather different word

that suited my situation - "Shit!!". And my parents heard it too. Somehow they didnt say any anything...and I imagined them

saying the same stuff in their minds.

As I enter the college, I take a deep breath of air in. I didnt wanna exhale it and wanted to just crap out my lungs over

there. Somehow I ran short of that will power. I look around for my fellow students. They were nowhere in sight...and so I

sit next to the peon of the college. Later on I came to know that the peon guy was actually a fellow student. I laughed in my

mind...it was a laugh more like the one's you have in situations such as you got a job in microsoft and later on come to know

that the job is to clean the upper rim of the flush tank in the loo. It was creepy laugh. I wanted to run away!! Fly

away...sprout wings outta my ass and take off...

I start explorin the place and enter an empty classroom. As i enter a window stares at me. 5 months have passed by...
an indication.
Chics, band, long hair, rockin classmates, the gate. I laugh again, more wierder.

Its all gone. Dreams could not have been shattered in a much more uncouth way. What was just left was to take the pill and

swallow it. This pill called REALITY. Oh how colourfull it looks on the outside, and its when you actually swallow it that

the real contents of the pill spew out into your mouth. The bitterness may jusy have been a phase. I needed sugar. Ok! am

goin too metaphorical. I'll stop on the crap.

Of all the permutation and combination of paths of realities why this??? Or maybe its not that bad. I stand confused.

I come back home. I slouch on my bed...thinkin as I always am. Home....Home....2 months ago it would be fun to leave this

place and enter a new world. Sad! everythings not what it seems...or is it 'nothings what it seems.'Yeah! thats better.

Its pathetic to ponder over it. A quicksand of depression awaits...*glug glug.....plop*

2 months later

ADAPTING. The word meant a lot to me now. As I found new people I can talk to, found some subjects interesting, the place has

a lab too n that also with a valid net connection. That aint bad I guess. Though I still sit in the class and stare out the

window waiting for a chalk to be thrown upon me. But I sit back and relax adn enjoy the dream. 'Hey that could've been me in

the dream
!' i think. It would haunt n keep haunting.

I think I leanrt something...its maybe this. As I expected a utopian bliss outta ma life anything that I would get would look

like pigeon-shit, but its when you expect crap that you get somethin better than what you expected.

Life is peachy! What the hell.
"When the going gets tough, the great ones just party!" - Garfield