...obeying the voices in my head...

Sunday, September 17, 2006

And the oscar goes to...

Today Ladies and Worms I just saw a wonderful movie, brilliantly titled - Alien Vs. Predator. So you have Drama, Action, Adventure, Sex (including a Sharon Stone leg crossing scene brilliantly executed by the alien!) and all that Jazz. So the movie's got the cute n cuddly aliens poking at the bob marley lookalikes called Predators.

The movie has inspired me like no other...and can match upto any spiritual book ever written. It has the depth of human emotions captured that makes the heart melt.

Synopsis (As the names of the characters cannot be pronounced by the foul human toungue, they have been identified by their species) :

Once upon a time there lived two best friends Alien and Predator. When they were children Predator once borrowed a red crayon from Alien. After a few days Predator instead of giving back the red crayon gave the black crayon (this is because predator guys can only see infra red,ultra violet, s ray n all that crap). At this Alien got angry and complained his equally cute n cuddly parents about it.
Since then the war began.
(NOTE : In case you are curious about the really real story of the movie neither me nor the director of the movie can help ya - neither of us know it.)

So you see the Bob Marley lookin Predators slashing the Aliens(who by the way have an unlimited supply of saliva which can solve some severe drought problems...) and the 'Maggi Noodles'(TM) comin' out of their intestines - Really helps in building an apetite. As the movie further progresses the facial expression get more deep and meaningful like a William Wordsworth sonnet.

Rating - G. Yes watch it with your family, much better than Peter pan.

And as we approach the end we see a hint of a sequel. And everybody knows, that everybody whos anybody is waiting.

Next Movie Review : The return of 'Jai santoshi maa'

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Diary of "Holy Sh**!"

I have been termed as 'Clinically ill' curently, but after reading this verse of poetry and prose, u might think "Mentally of Physically ill?"

Read it if you identify yoursel as a Sane Person!!

Jamie was in his outhouse with his laptop just when he found out that his 'My Documents' folder was filled with South American Porn. Just then a group of 10-15 kids were passing by the outhouse, when little Billy decided of a masterminded plan for eternal salvation. Billy was quoted sayin ,"Ladies and arthropods, the next word we here around us - that shall be repeated a sum total of 2476 times...because that is the path of eternal salvation."

It was with perfect timing when Jamie understood that his laptop was filled with 4 GB's of porn that he shouts - "Holy Shit!"

The kids make their way to eternal salvation...by walking on the parlington road chanting 'Holy Shit' for the next 2476 times. At that time, Father Karros is explaining her daughter about the apocalypse that was to come. With the 'Book of Apocalypse' in one hand and 'Microwave Fishes' in the other he reads on.

Daughter Emily strikes up a meaningful question - "When is the apocalypse daddy? and where will my teddy hide then!".Father Karros' eyes move towards the church window and peers outside. He sees a swarm of Children on their path to eternal salvation.

Father Karros' brows get crossed and mumbles,"So it happens now! and Teddy's not real honey". He keeps the fishes back in the microwave oven and steps outside and shouts - "Run you fools, its the children on the damned. They're here! Run
for your lives you imbecile's.Run! Run! Run!" Just when Marion Jones runs and shouts - "I am not on Drugs!!!" and fades to black.

Farmer Davide Hasslehoff aint moves a bit. He remains as calm as a cucumber on a wednesday evening with a black robe. - "Damnit! got no' taim to finish me book. By the way sonny boy how much time left for the apocalyse?" Sonny Boy playin his
fiddle merrily steps up humming to the tunes of the latest hip-hop number -"Ass something something! IT'S NOW! (ass!) something...shake that booty...something something...Run!!"

Farmer Davide Hasslehoff curses "Darn it! and me got no time to finish me book."

Jamie just then runs out on to his brazilian freinds house on Elm street with flying curses decorated by an occassional "Holy Shit" in between. The children are still on number 1487 on their path to eternal salvation.

Just when Meryl steep, the lazy security devil on the 'escalator to hell' hears this. He runs to Satan and complains - "Dude! God's on his 'Holy Shit' campaign again...this job blows dude!" Satan too busy on his orange marmalade decides to snap out of it and calls God on his cell. He licks of the marmalade from his finger when he stops suddenly and ejaculates - "Buggers left his message that he's gone for a vacation, and I am sweatin my red butt out here on this Job. I quit
man...c'mon Meryl steep lets go bowling in some other dimension."

Father Karros is still pullin his hair out and screams and buys a copy of 'The Exorcist' from a DVD rental stor. Just then a young teenager dude comes up - "Yo...ma man!" Father retaliates to this satanic speech and gets a hold of the
dude,"Dont you see(pointing at a coffee stain at the store table), its the 'apocalypse'!!!".

Young Teenage dude thinks for a while and then suddenly his face lightens up,"Dude! i saw it in this music CD shop yesterday dude. ummmm...i mean the album's by 'Demonic Incantatem' band rigth? I didnt know you were into heavy metal father
dude. Chill man...u into death metal or Acid rock?" He speaks his speech with a waving gesture of the 'Mano Cornuta'(Devils Horns). Father Karros is currently awestruck as the children on the path to eternal salvation where shouting "Salvation!Salvation!Salvation!".

Father Karros faints.

Thats when God calls on a local telephone booth,"Hello, hey Chuck I think satan left. g2g. ciao!"

And that's how the universe ended!!!