?

There's a choice. 

You can either have nothing or everything.

The thing is nothing and everything of both is not possible. It's ideal.

So dealing it with a pragmatic approach might seem impractical.

Like the grass being greener on the other side without a validation of your own reality.

But the choice still holds. The question remains.

Dichotomy!

'Paranoia is total awareness!'

Inbox(1)

Guess what! Check this out...

In case the text is not clearly visible, here's what my inbox is adorned with...

FaceBook Social Profile writes to me

"In total, you were reviewed for dating 19 times and one person expressed interest in you.

You are more desirable than 48% of 47,204,370 people."

WOW!!! Now doesn't that make me feel special!!

Certainly it does.

Suddenly you give me a quizzical look and utter an almost audible "Why?".

I burst out in mocking laughter with the air of 'being desired by people' haughtiness. 

"Silly!" I poke thee. 

Here's Why...

Now,

World Population = 6,768,269,319  (link)

People I'm more desirable than = 48% of 47,204,370 people

                                                        = 22658097.6  people

Thus I'm more desirable than 1/300th of the people out there!!

Whoa!!

Its like being a celebrity...well without the limo's and the champagne or whatever...!!

Thank you for making my day facebook(TM)!

Thank you indeed!!

Top 10 ways to break it up

Now AskMen.com had an article recently titled 

'Top 10 : Worst Ways to Break up with a Woman'. (link).

Now I am no expert in this field of study, nor am I a professional critic to point out the mistakes the article had. But my opinion was about one thing the article lacked...which was of providing an examplary scenario so that the reader could relate to it. 

Now since I am good at ignoring the truckloads of work that I've got pending in order to do stuff that I really want to...here I am helping out the universe in this personal conquest of asserting my opinions through the power of words!

I suggest you read the article first in order to have comprehensive idea of the random shit that I write!

The two main characters used her would be 'bunty'(the dude) and 'pinky'(the dudette) instead of the mundane 'girl1' and 'boy1' nomenclatures.

Here are the top 10:

10. Under the influence

[Bunty and Pinky are in the 'hippest' of bars in their city. Bunty is "under the influence" of something other than Pinky.]

Bunty : Yo honey bunny, drink and be merry!

Pinky : You never call me that!!!

Bunty : (laughs for the next half n hour) oh yeah! Now I remember. *hic*

Pinky : So what was is you wanted to tell me that was soooo important?

Bunty : You know. About life and various theories...about the birds and the bees...the hippo's in the grass...the porsche's in the barn....you get my drift, eh?

Pinky : Eh? 

Bunty : Yes thats it. Also wanted to talk about....wait I need three more pegs....WOOHHHHOOOOOO!!!

Pinky : God! You're just so drunk right now. I cant talk to you!

[Pinky storms away.]

Bunty : NOOOOOOOOOOOOO......ok. Woooooooohhhhhhhoooooooooo!

Half n hour later Bunty sends the following text message :

'V nid 2 bake up n ptx atj, lyf ir shott. mklkhj hjsfhl qerlhs.'

'Just dont!'

9. With Cliches

[Post confrontation.]

Pinky : WHAT!!! Are you serious???

Bunky : Look its not you. Its me!

Pinky : But you are you, and you're not me. So that still means its you.

Bunty : I mean, we should see other people!

Pinky : Oh but I do. Everyday. I meet up with friends, I go the mall and hang out. I see a lotta people everyday you know. But the mall gets crowded nowadays and so we often....

Bunty : NO NO!! I mean, we're drifting apart.

[Pinky takes a step towards Bunty.]

Pinky : There! solved!

Bunty : NOOO! I mean i'm too confused right now. I need space!

[Pinky takes a step back.]

Pinky : There! Solved again.

Bunky : Goddammit! Lets just be friends ok!

Pinky : Oh cool! Does that mean I get to be at your place more. Awwwww! That'd be cho chweet of you to...

Bunty : I'm gay!

Pinky : ... 

'This might help with the last line!'

8. Remotely 

[Pen and Paper]

Dear Pinky,

You remember those times when I was there for you and you were there for me and we were there for each other. It was awesome n all, and fun n stuff. You nowadays I'm feeling like a man. Like out into this twilight zone n all that shit. Weird stuff man. You gotta see my room now. Anyways, I have so many things to say...

oh wow! my friends are here. Got no time! Oh by the way, I'm breaking up with you. Take care.

Cheerio,

Buns

[ On IM's ]

Bunty : Listen Im breaking up with you ok. Take this with a pinch of salt. LOL. :)

Pinky is currently offline. She will recieve the messages when she is online.

[ On SMS ]

Lystn, im brkin up wth u. nyc tym. lol. ttyl. g2g.

Remotely! Get it?

7. Mid Date

Bunty : So, hows the paneer?

Pinky : Pretty good. Thank you so much for this buns, it was sweet of you. 

Bunty : I wanna have that. Why dont you break-up the paneer into two, coz that way it would be better.

Pinky : Oh...ohhk.

Bunty : Yeah! And break up this salad too. Coz you know how good stuff is when it breaks up into equal peices and how better they taste individually!

Pinky : Are you trying to tell me something here?

Bunty : Hehe! Well....you know how food is like us. Like we are food things n all. 

Pinky : Hahaha! Yeah. 

[Bunty stares at his food for the rest of the lunch.]

'Still 13 minutes to break the news!'

6. Post - Milestone

Bunty : Honey!! We got the house we've been waiting for for the last 6 months.

Pinky : (Jumps and dances) Yaaaayy! The dream's coming true isn't it!

Bunty : And you know the best part...your rooms bigger than mine!

Pinky : Wait. What! We're in seperate rooms?

Bunty : Dont worry babe, it's only till I move out of the house around next week or so.

5. By assumption

Bunty : Look, things were easy first but now its now. It's changed. Its really hard now.

Pinky : I know.

Bunty : You do! Oh thank god. I so wanna carry on but I just can't.

Pinky : I tried too. But I tell you this, I have been doing my best.

Bunty : I know, and I can see how hard you've been straining for all this. I just can't take it now.

Pinky : It's okay. I'll end it now. Its not like the first one, but this one I will. Its HALO 2 goddammit! Not Age of Empires or some strategy shit!

Bunty : Yeah. Nice graphics I must say though.

[All this time Bunty's assuming they arent in a relationship!]

Halo 2 : Relationship Expansion Pack

4. Through provocation

Bunty : God you're so fat and dumb aren't you!

Pinky : What! No, i'm not!

Bunty : Why do you think people laugh at you all the time.

Pinky : They do??

Bunty : And the fact that you keep talking all the time, inecessently without a halt!! Man!!!

Pinky : Oh gosh!

Bunty : And you're not at all organized and keep wasting your time on your phone calls n stuff. Sheesh! That is so pathetic!!!

Pinky : I know what you're doing here.

Bunky : Gulp. What?

Pinky : You're pointing out my imperfections so that I become the perfect one and you dont even take the credit for making me do so. That is shooo shweeet! I'm so lucky to have such a frank bunny like you. 

Plan B: A Yo Mama session with that 'someone special'

3. Publicly

Bunty : Nice day for a walk "outside" aint it!

Pinky : It sure is. But this is so unusual of you. I think you're upto something.

Bunty : Well, see...the thing is this...

Pinky : Oh! Look at those two. Aren't they cute. Well not half as cute as us though. Ha!

Bunky : Well yeah...about that...

Pinky : And look at them. Can't we hold hands now like them.

Bunky : Well, maybe. For a few seconds I guess. See the thing is...

Pinky : Oh! Those shoes! I want the same one. I heard they are expensive and stuff. But once you're well settled and doing your job you'll buy them for me when we're living together, wont you?

Bunty : Look let's not make a scene here...

Pinky : Ooooohhh! And that dress she's wearing. Just like the one I was talking about you remember?

Bunty : (with resignation on his face) Yes! I remember. Lets talk about our wedding dates then.

'Hmmm...I guess this place would do!'

2. By cheating

[Added Character : Pammi, the other one]

Pinky : You went out with Pammi last night I heard!

Bunty : Yes. Look I can explain...

Pinky : And you know she's my best friend!

Bunty : Yes. And she's different....she's....

Pinky : That's so awesome!!! She told me everything!!!

Bunty : Wait a sec. What?

Pinky : She told me all you wanted was a fling with her and eventually you'd come back to marry me. 

Bunty : I would what?

Pinky : Yes! And you two are not even the same type anyway. But it' s ok for a fling I guess. Till then I have a few guys waiting in line. HA!

Bunty : You have what?

Pinky : You're really smart you know that. This way we dont even lose our feeling of security!

Bunty : We dont what?

[What followed were lotta awkward moments and no break ups.]

'Sssshhh...i think somebody's following us!'

1. Through avoidance

Text Message:

Bunty - I need some time to think. Please dont try and contact me. Will be incommunicado! Understand me. Our relationship depends on this.

5 days later-

Text Message:

Bunty - You arent replying. At least send me an acknowledgement.

2 hours later-

Text Message:

Bunty - Ok fine. Be silent then. I wasn't gonna talk anyway.

2 days later-

IM:

Bunty - This is ridiculous. Im gonna leave everything now. Go off the grid. GoodBye!

12 hours later-

IM:

Bunty - You think i'm joking, arent you. Ha! Not even a reply doesn't mean you're strong. Its just stupid.

A day later-

Text Message:

Bunty - Ok im sorry, please come back!

2 minutes later-

Text Message:

Pinky - HA! Good. Now back to the wedding plans then...

Ideal Avoidance?

Memories>right click>delete

Home today.

Wanted this Floyd Song from a friend badly. Switched on my nokia's bluetooth and hence the transfer started.

A bright red flash luminously erupts onto the screen.

"Warning : Memory too low. Delete some data" it said.

"What?" was the knee jerk reaction. "This never happens!"

I never store anything on the phone memory since it had the notoriously low and not-so-awesome-a-number memory space...'9 megs of data'! And since 9 megs is like a grain of salt compared to the square meal that I wanted to store, I was off on a crusade to delete the 'evil' redundant data.

Turned out there wasn't any data as such.

Then,

I checked my inbox.

1900 messages lying carefree. 

Now I am not much in touch with the current standards of "coolness" of how many texts to be stored in the inbox is considered "cool" plus the knowledge that even 2000 msgs would add up to be only in kb's.... it was still a shock for me.

Next step was to delete it hence...Get rid of all those scattered junk!

Get rid of just words lying around without any use!

Get rid of each 1KB text!

Get rid of stuff lying accumulated since last november!

Get rid of Memories???

Then it struck me. I just could not delete them. And it sounded really stupid that each one had a sentimental value for me. 

I never used to save messages as such unless it was a really funny forward or some really personal stuff(which was relatively less).

And here I was marking all the messages. Getting them ready for the guillotine.

I couldn't. I just couldn't. And the thought of it made me feel stupid of how attached I was just to text  messages. 

But there it was... my finger centimeters away from the delete soft key. Closing in. Finger dragging. Air resistance. Damping constant. Deceleration. Halt before the destination.

Just couldn't. "Stupid" I think. I run for the cable, connect the nokia to my PC. Transfer and store the messages in my PC. Disconnect. And suddenly the damping constant for my executional finger appeared to be zero. Swift agility!

Inbox Empty.

Virtually it wasn't!

'Memories are memories, you can't delete them!'