Fading oblivion

I can be really addiction prone sometimes, though I have control in me some form or the other. There is this thin red line between desire n submission...and there's no point of view which makes it clear.

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My hands spread out, fingers open
this wall of air passes through me
I stay and remain as I was
Though I'm vulnerable, I feel weak.

This silent drug enters my veins
and sleeps inside my blood, no pain
my body is open built with trust
my eyes are closed and may open again.

If flows inside my body
this happiness, the joy, the vain
A world of light rushes in
perceived the glory, protect the pain.

A violent smile beneath this face
of the shadow which was kept to wait
Am falling into this hallucination
free from reality, free from hate.

All I saw was a flower blooming
Its immortal glow, nothing else
no death,no pain, no seed of hate
just the drug sinking in.

I kept on falling, but it had to end
and so I face the solid ground
the drug - my cure has drained away
Immortal is not what it sounds.

And now I writhe in pain, all hollow
in the shadow of the light that came
this drug my cure, my life it swallowed
And left me helpless on the ground again.

I open my hand, but it seems lifeless
I open my eyes, I'm blind again
by all the light that was thrown on me
I'm back in this darkness all again.