...obeying the voices in my head...

Thursday, November 22, 2007


Its 3 A.M.
I'm lying in my balcony curled up, letting the winter chill pass through my body.
It gets colder with every passing minute, and the body failing to show any signs of resistance.
Simply because it doesn't want to.
I curse the violently bright moonlight as it laughs upon me.
The numbness sets in...of the cold and everything else. Somehow at such a time if feels better to be numb rather than being receptive to human emotions.
The mind gets drained of all its thoughts except a few that haunt around and refuse to fade.
It's colder now than it was when I came here...and I sleep on the cold floor.
I pull my legs upto my chest feeling an invisible womb of pure feelings around me.
The bat screeches.
I open both my eyes in acrid horror and hear my brain far from solace.

I was never good at accepting things the way they were, always trying to change things around me.
Its a part of life this - change. It just keeps on happenin and the next moment you know, you're somewhere else.
I was never good at adapting, but since the last few years that part of me has been exercised really well. I am a learner though.
I'm a new born child. Denying the rules by which the world plays with. I blindly see the beauty of things and smile and cherish upon the thought that comforts me - 'Beauty is forever'.
But maybe I go far too deep into happiness. Frankly, I don't know.
And 'I don't know' has been the answer to a majority of my own questions.
I am not the type of person who says 'All I want to be is happy'. Coz that is now how things work. With immense happiness always there is pain.
I am numb. And I guess I'm pretty good at seeing things differently now.
But still the adapting part has been a huge question mark for me.
Funny how things work though.
They always change. No matter what resistance you put in. Things change.
It can be the sad part of life or the happiest.
I was never good with change.
But sometimes when I sit and contemplate I realise,
that maybe the only thing constant in this world is change.