...obeying the voices in my head...

Thursday, July 06, 2006

In the fortress of solitude!

How does it feel to be all alone? Ah! I must have forgotten that feeling, and am pining to know how it feels again. I am sick of being there for people and help them with all their stuff and for all their gain as I loose my own time even though it wouldnt have been put to much productive use. My time is all I have, let me go through it. All I want is nothing, just exactly nothing to be asked from me or for me. I WANNA BE ALONE!

Why? I know that once I reach for that lonliness I would come back to my mentality that I want people around me. I am just an example of how humans dont accept what they have and what they're given, takin' every second they breathe for granted. Everyone seems to have this problem, like suppose you are in place A and you start thinking "wouldnt it be better if I were in place B" and when put in place B mostly people tend to say " Place A was better , why couldnt I just stay where I was". But , yes there are people who appreciate their new surroundings and by god's(if there is one) grace are happy with it, they eventually get bored and come back to the same position. Humans are restless. I am too. I am human. And to err is human.
We people just cant decide if its curiosity or our own safety that governs us and so that gets reflected on our actions.

All I want is to be alone on an island for a specific period of time that I can choose. And with me I want a pc, an mp3 player, internet broadband connection, and maybe a Mcdonalds nearby. I would stay on the island for a long time. I am sure. I need time to think , time to learn, time to understand, time to contemplate. All I need is time alone.

All of us do, right? Or maybe I'm an alien!

I just dont need the prescence of human life around me right now. I have a phobia of crowds, and slowly am developing a phobia of meeting new people. But I am very good at supressing my feelings even if it is fear,sadness,anger(not pretty good at controlling anger nowadays, i burst!), happiness too.

But now I have tried to evolve my brains and push it to the next step , so its like unlike asking "Why am I like this god?" I would straight go to "What should I do to make it better!". Positivity aint my cuppa tea, but doesnt hurt to try. So I aint goin through the 'convert all your negative thoughts into postive' mumbo jumbo crap. Negativity is fun... aint it!

(Sorry for my sudden shifts in topics, a mind is a terrible thing to waste!)