The Dark Harvest

The Black Moon rose,

Reflecting the life that I chose.

A chill in the air shows signs of a storm,

This bitter cold would never cease.

I grope through the darkness

to find the shattered peices,

But all my attempts end in vain,

All this suffering and this pain.

All the anger bottled up inside

Waiting to erupt on a harmless victim,

It's not that I chose to live this life,

It's this life that chose me.

No, I ran out of clues,

to this bitter search for happiness,

and satisfy my soul

with this weak smile that's stuck on my face.

All the anguish and all the fear,

I wish all of it would dissapear.

So I could see again this world of misery,

And laugh at the pity of mankind.

Nobody knows their limitations.

But my limitation is the only thing I have.

Stuck in this everlasting darkness,

I grope back for my sigth.

God, it's not your fault,

It must be mine.

Because all the facts of truth is what I can't deny.

And all that you have given me is what -

I cannot find.

My Credits To Dementia

I am not livin' upto what I'm supposed to. Why? That's coz I'm lazy. I just feel so pressured to live up to a tag that has been imprinted on me because of whom I'm related to. I sometimes feel like the black sheep of my family, and this thougth makes me so depressed that i look for new possibilities to channel my mental pain. Fortunately I have not took to drugs, smokin' or alcohol even if i know i can attain them. I feel to guilty to even think about them. The thing is rock music has helped me channel this pain, and has worked in a lot of ways and even in the most depressing times. But sometimes too much of it has caused me somewhat of a self-depression - a depression due to nothing. I just create these depressions coz' i enjoy them. And this is all subconscious, which i only realize later on.

I have been having fits and shocks lately. I donno why? I just think that i'm pretending, but i can't stop it. And who the hell am i pretending for? I donno. My body just keeps on goin tense sometimes to such extents that i cant even move a muscle. This goes on for two to ten minutes till then i barely can move my finger. I still see myself all numb yet feeling life in me.

Am i goin' mental???

Naaaaa!!!

On second thougth..... well its rubbish. I just am so lucky to be here in this world why the hell would I go mental. These fits n all are just my own creation - the sad part is I donno why I created it...

AM I Autistic???

I guess that's why it's called - Diary of a Schizo...

A blind Kamikaze

Everytime I wake up, I feel I have entered into a new world . You know those first 30 seconds after opening your eyes in the morning wishing the pillow to be touching your face for the next few hours. Unfortunately we dont control our lives fully.
Everytime I make myself say in the morning "Today it's gonna be different. I'll be a whole new person." Only to sub-consciously realize that I am in the same depth of water as I was yesterday, and the day before , and the day before. When will i possible change myself, when will I be hard workin' and move my silly lazy ass for a while. The answer lies inside all of us. Yet, I am too arrogant to accept it.
It seems so easy nowadays too cut this chord of life - and man they are really many many ways. But I'm not here to give tips on - 99 ways to die. I just need a pinch of sanity to keep my insane life runin' on its feet.
I'm Bracin' myself to whatever comes ahead of me. I live for now , not for the past or the future.
Anyway it's so easy to write this stuff - so damn hard to implement it. Well, that's life right!!!

People R strange

y is it people, that we always pine for something we dont have?

We always look at someone else and say "Yeah, man i wanna be like him/her.I want a good body, a great face, lots of money." Well , all i have to say is dreaming isnt a crime. But when we think deep in our minds does anyone feel that everythings all we need. So there comes another question of what is want and what is need. This is the most tricky part - bcoz something that u always wanted later on builds up and bcomes a need. And suddenly u start fantasizing about it and keep your thoughts fixed on it. But, to desire is human , right. And sometimes what happens is that you pine for a thing so long that when you eventually get it - u think "This is it! This is what i've been waiting for such a long." But leave it this is a rare case. All we think is to be in someone else's shoes and daydream. And yes i have seen some people go so deep into this daydreaming that they somehow forget their own identities and associate themselves with what they want to be. ( After reading this sentance dont think that i live in a mental institute coz if u look closely at the people around you you'll know what i'm talking about.) Greed is altogether a different thing but i dont wanna go into that its just another topic.

So y is it that we only see others riches and not look at what we have? Well the thing is that whatever things we have we take it for granted . We dont know the value of anything unless it is lost or stolen or borrowed. Also another thing is "Humans like to compare". And when they compare the always try to compare themselves or others with the best . Hey, what the hell who wants to be the best?

This stuff gets mighty complicated but people , even though i'm just a teen i tell u this -

"Look at yourself First and understand what you are , who you are. "