Diary of "Holy Sh**!"

I have been termed as 'Clinically ill' curently, but after reading this verse of poetry and prose, u might think "Mentally of Physically ill?"

Read it if you identify yoursel as a Sane Person!!
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Jamie was in his outhouse with his laptop just when he found out that his 'My Documents' folder was filled with South American Porn. Just then a group of 10-15 kids were passing by the outhouse, when little Billy decided of a masterminded plan for eternal salvation. Billy was quoted sayin ,"Ladies and arthropods, the next word we here around us - that shall be repeated a sum total of 2476 times...because that is the path of eternal salvation."

It was with perfect timing when Jamie understood that his laptop was filled with 4 GB's of porn that he shouts - "Holy Shit!"

The kids make their way to eternal salvation...by walking on the parlington road chanting 'Holy Shit' for the next 2476 times. At that time, Father Karros is explaining her daughter about the apocalypse that was to come. With the 'Book of Apocalypse' in one hand and 'Microwave Fishes' in the other he reads on.

Daughter Emily strikes up a meaningful question - "When is the apocalypse daddy? and where will my teddy hide then!".Father Karros' eyes move towards the church window and peers outside. He sees a swarm of Children on their path to eternal salvation.

Father Karros' brows get crossed and mumbles,"So it happens now! and Teddy's not real honey". He keeps the fishes back in the microwave oven and steps outside and shouts - "Run you fools, its the children on the damned. They're here! Run
for your lives you imbecile's.Run! Run! Run!" Just when Marion Jones runs and shouts - "I am not on Drugs!!!" and fades to black.

Farmer Davide Hasslehoff aint moves a bit. He remains as calm as a cucumber on a wednesday evening with a black robe. - "Damnit! got no' taim to finish me book. By the way sonny boy how much time left for the apocalyse?" Sonny Boy playin his
fiddle merrily steps up humming to the tunes of the latest hip-hop number -"Ass something something! IT'S NOW! (ass!) something...shake that booty...something something...Run!!"

Farmer Davide Hasslehoff curses "Darn it! and me got no time to finish me book."

Jamie just then runs out on to his brazilian freinds house on Elm street with flying curses decorated by an occassional "Holy Shit" in between. The children are still on number 1487 on their path to eternal salvation.

Just when Meryl steep, the lazy security devil on the 'escalator to hell' hears this. He runs to Satan and complains - "Dude! God's on his 'Holy Shit' campaign again...this job blows dude!" Satan too busy on his orange marmalade decides to snap out of it and calls God on his cell. He licks of the marmalade from his finger when he stops suddenly and ejaculates - "Buggers left his message that he's gone for a vacation, and I am sweatin my red butt out here on this Job. I quit
man...c'mon Meryl steep lets go bowling in some other dimension."

Father Karros is still pullin his hair out and screams and buys a copy of 'The Exorcist' from a DVD rental stor. Just then a young teenager dude comes up - "Yo...ma man!" Father retaliates to this satanic speech and gets a hold of the
dude,"Dont you see(pointing at a coffee stain at the store table), its the 'apocalypse'!!!".

Young Teenage dude thinks for a while and then suddenly his face lightens up,"Dude! i saw it in this music CD shop yesterday dude. ummmm...i mean the album's by 'Demonic Incantatem' band rigth? I didnt know you were into heavy metal father
dude. Chill man...u into death metal or Acid rock?" He speaks his speech with a waving gesture of the 'Mano Cornuta'(Devils Horns). Father Karros is currently awestruck as the children on the path to eternal salvation where shouting "Salvation!Salvation!Salvation!".

Father Karros faints.

Thats when God calls on a local telephone booth,"Hello, hey Chuck I think satan left. g2g. ciao!"



And that's how the universe ended!!!

To HELL and back...

...through the wall of smoke a face floated towards me, a face that made me jealous of what sheer ugliness I was made up of. But as I stared at the face, I looked deep into the eye. The eye. It was as if it told me not to live.The eye had a red flame inside it, the rest was a hollow black. The black which would give every insignificant human on this planet a feeling of nothingness, it was a black hole which sucked every insanely happy moments of a thing called life. Life seemed a mere object now.
I avoided his eyes and tried to look at something else, anything else. Yet all I saw was a wall of smoke and this face. The face of a man. A man with immense power, who somehow seemed as if he was refraining from using it.
I looked at the next thing i could look at - myself. Where was I? What the 'hell' is this place? And why cant I stand straight? And who is this handsome guy?Things he's a big shot..eh! The next words that came out of my mouth were purely nothin that I intended to speak -
"Get out ma' way ya' handsome freak." I said this and I started to think...of the fistful reaction that was to come.
The man spoke ...the voice was soothing and clear. So clear that anything he said I just felt as to do as he said.
"You're in the wrong place at the wrong time.Turn back as you stand here, this is not a place for the good ones." There was no sign of emotion in his voice it seemed only like a friendly warning...nothing else.
He faded away leaving me in the wall of smoke...I tried to follow him. I didn't know why but it seemed as if he tempted me to follow him.
Moments later I realized his warning was not a fake one. I had just entered a room.Red light sprawled accros the cramped room. The people dressed in red and black each having a ciggarette in their hand. People sittin and smokin coke...and other lying around on the ground consciously unconscious, staring into nothing.A woman surrouded by three hideuos men , yet the woman only laughed and gave a big grin to me. Two men spraying alcohol from garden hoses and giving their share to everyone around. A guy alone in a corner cutting his own skin with a knife and lickin the blood that oozed out of him.
I was no longer able to walk..the guy spraying alcohol noticed me and gave me a whisky bath. A growl came from behind me, no human growl it was. I turned around, but the red light seemed to steal my vision. I was searching for a door but the wall of smoke surrounded me.
I was choking. Eyes started burning...my head was about to explode. And then I saw a man in front of me , pointing and laughing. Everybody else gathered around me and shared the laughs.
'Where the HELL am i?' was the only thing that was going through my mind...
And then the handsome guy came upto to me with a knife in his hand and said
"You should have.....err....listened to......err....my warning, yeah!You should have."
And he was about to stab me when a man behind me started shouting - "Cut!Cut!Cut!".

A man wearing a cap comes upto the handsome guy and shouts - "You cant even remember dialouges. Damn you!At least do something for your debut perfomance mate, the voice dubbing only does you half good! Damn!" he turned to me and added " You were excellent baby!".

He was....
Our DIRECTOR.

Let Poison be thy cure

(My writin skills aint that good , so maybe this would be a headache to read. Be free to comment on anything)
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Yes, I have decided it. It's final. This is the end, and I will help myself come closer to it. The method that will lead to my end is still undecided.

Hmmm... Stab myself. Nope, slow death.
Jump from the roof. Nope, too painful.
Stand in front of a fast car. But that may risk the life of the person who's driving the car too. I dont wan't anyone else to be hurt cause of me.
Think man, think what could be a fast and painless death.
Poison?
Seems painless.
The problem is - where do I get it from. I mean I cant go into a shop and say " Excuse me. I need one bottle of poison that would bring a painless death."
Will Rat poison do? Well, food from the school canteen might work better against rat poison.
The chemistry lab, of course.

And so I ask my friend on the phone trying not to reveal my deadly plans to him. "Do you think in some way you can die if you accidently swallowed pottassium cyanide from the school lab?"
"Yeah, right!" came from the other end of the phone."The only thing you'll get is an indigestion or something."

So i'll have to think of plan B.
Suddenly I noticed a cleaning liquid kept on the floor. Observing it closely I found a symbol of a skull, next to which was written 'Do not swallow. The following liquid is injurious to health.'
This may do well.

Now that that's done, next we come on to the suicide note.I took an empty page and scribbled on it -
" I just got bored you know. So that's all folks."
Somehow it seemed to inappropriate, but that's what I wanted.
I go near the window and take a breath of fresh air.
"My last breath." I smiled trying to hide the sadness.This aint so easy. I take the cleaning liquid and open the cork. Strong nauseous fumes came out from the bottle.This aint easy at all.
I raise the drink,"Bottom's up".
As my hand goes halfway through the journey towards my mouth, the phone rings. Thank god for telephones, it saves lives.

I picked it up.
"Hello?"
"Please dont die. Please dont kill yourself." Came a worried voice.
I was stunned. I looked up and stared at my ceiling - " God. Is that you?"
The answer was quick."No. Look, here. I am a boy who lives in the building just in front of yours. Dont get offended, but I have been observing you through my telescope from my house for a few weeks. I just found out all things about you from your neighbhours, you know. How you have been so helpful to everyone, how well you study, how you always are a hero at your school. I heard everything about you, right from stuff about your girlfriends to how well you play the drums. You see I have no friends and all I needed was an Idol to look up to. And so i found about you and really liked you, and so I decided I just wanna be like you. I dont want my idol to give up just like that. I know you'll be too angry by now knowing how I've been peeking into your life just to satisfy mine, but you cant just give up like that. Please dont leave me. At least think about all the people that rely on you. Think." He took a deep breath.

I was speechless. What was I thinking.
Oh my god. I accepting myself as a loser.
Even though this boy's voice seemed too kiddish to make sense, he just said the right words.
"Ummmm... look kid, I am angry at you for all this you have done. Just come downstairs i'll meet you there and we'll sort this out.Do i make myself clear."
"Yes, sir."

I took the cleaning bottle in my hand and threw it away.
Suddenly, I seemed so happy to be me. I have a life. Somebody looks upto me as an idol.
Oh my god! What was I thinking?
That's it, I'm gonna live past 99 or whatever.
This boy just changed my perspective of life.But suddenly I felt responsible. Responsible for this boy, responsible for myself.And I was never so good with resposibilities.
But It seemed - What the heck anyways, things are the way they are.
It's my life. It's me and I'm happy to be here.

I walked downstairs and just across the street found a boy waving at me happily.That's him. Poor boy, he's so cute how come he doesn't have friends.
I smiled.
I breathed the fresh air.Oh! fresh air.
Thaonk you , God.

I walked a few steps towards him feeling all free and happy at the same time had the burden of a responsibility of living.
I told you I was bad at responsibilities.
The next thing I see are blurred visions of a car approaching and a red pool I was lying in.
The last thing I heard was guy asking - " What were his last words?"
Then the boy who saved my life stared blankly at him and said -
" He said he was happy to be alive."

I tried to open my eyes. Tried.
Blank.
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