Malice in Wonderland

Sitting alone in a dark room, watching the shadows dance in the darkness. I press my ears on my headphones with my hands listening to sounds of the Metal band - Korn. I go deep into my deep depths of myself in order to find all the happy moments that have passed in the last 15 years.

I realize that either my memory is very bad or my brain is just tending to corrode on happy thoughts. That's me, I only see the sadness around me. It's misery my eyes are always on. I waste my feeling and drain my energy on putting a fake smile on my face.

I just cant carry on like this, pretending that I enjoy every part of this world. I can't afford to lie to everybody. The black inside me shadows my heart to subdue these emotions that compel me to live. I am far from being suicidal right now, coz' I know I have helped many people sacrificing my own valuable time. And I know they still need my help, but that's what i'm reduced to - just a robotic mechanical machine who runs to anyone who needs help.

I just am a not am what I am inside. One of my biggest problem is I have no identity of my own, I always become what the person in front of me wants me to become.
Who am I?
I have no idea,
no clue.

I remove my headphones and open the door to let all the light in. It takes time to adjust my eyes to get used to the light. I look outside and smile. I realize that all I have been has been worth it , and I will be the same demented happy insane child I am.
I am proud to be me....
The Heretic Monk.

Holy crap worshipper

"Standing on edge of sanity some things makes sense pretty much, but unless you have fluctuating mind that runs parellel with your own actions there is no edge of reason."

Hope my crap writing skills improve. Here is a test for the readers to read the following. If you understand this, please explain me . I don't.

Here it is -

This seems like just another parody of mankind that he created to destroy his own self . Only to breathe upon an insignificant speck of a planet called the earth is what he wished, or is it the manner of trash that he posseses - a thing called money thats so much binds him to strech out his arms and reach for love . Well, cant money buy love .I laugh as an attempt to clarify the hell that has rose from its own belongings. That no eye can see that no world can beleive . Few things that ever changed and created an introspection to the humiliated society and its sociopathic beings that never made it to the final breath. Few Remain who know everything , yet know nothing that could be given out. Beating criticism wont help in its untimely death due to come. Nobody wants to live again, the rest become ghosts. Me , do u think i'm real. Well, guess what?....
-
Courtsey,
My insane mind.

Uncommon sense

Hope any of the next series of stuff i write makes any sense to the hypothetical population thats readin this buch of crap -

All in broken pieces shattered and no scope of gettin it back to the same postion where it was. How many times has a person thought of going back in time and redo the things that were not meant to be done. But only those things are the things in life its not always what you want is what you get. Coz' your mind has not tasted every fruit life has to offer but still we make our own fruit and silently think back in our minds to eat that juicy fruit on day. Well, then what. What do we do after that. A blank wait for nothing... or wait for a more jucier fruit that has more to offer. But in the corner of the mind there is always a thought hovering in our minds that there is no such thing such as a more jucier fruit yet we pretend to know of such a fruit and push others into the same line as they arent suppose to fall.

- Yeah i know i'm distorted...