A blind Kamikaze

Everytime I wake up, I feel I have entered into a new world . You know those first 30 seconds after opening your eyes in the morning wishing the pillow to be touching your face for the next few hours. Unfortunately we dont control our lives fully.
Everytime I make myself say in the morning "Today it's gonna be different. I'll be a whole new person." Only to sub-consciously realize that I am in the same depth of water as I was yesterday, and the day before , and the day before. When will i possible change myself, when will I be hard workin' and move my silly lazy ass for a while. The answer lies inside all of us. Yet, I am too arrogant to accept it.
It seems so easy nowadays too cut this chord of life - and man they are really many many ways. But I'm not here to give tips on - 99 ways to die. I just need a pinch of sanity to keep my insane life runin' on its feet.
I'm Bracin' myself to whatever comes ahead of me. I live for now , not for the past or the future.
Anyway it's so easy to write this stuff - so damn hard to implement it. Well, that's life right!!!